My Absence

So, I’ve been gone from here for a while, and with good reason. Shortly after my last post, someone who I’d cut off long ago popped into my life. This person has harassed me in the past, and decided to try to get me into legal troubles. I got scared, and abandoned this blog, even though the name that I blog under isn’t the one he knows me by. I was terrified. It shook me, because all I could think is that this man is a danger to my child and me.

I decided to come back to get that out, and to say that I’ll be blogging here more often, probably adding another entry tomorrow. But for now, I want to talk about the fear that comes when male entitlement turns obsessive.

The person who has now ended up harassing me twice within a 3 month period has escalated since the last time. It had been a couple years before the first incident this year that I’d heard from him, and I didn’t speak to him.

It. Is. TERRIFYING to know that there’s someone out there who is capable of violence that’s apparently become obsessed with me after I rejected him over a decade ago. I rejected him because of his capacity for violence that only began to show when he started showing interest in me.

I live every day in fear now. If I leave the house, I don’t leave alone. I  end up looking over my shoulder, keeping an eye out for him, worrying that he’ll find me. I’m scared of running into him. I’m scared that he’ll find me and hurt me and hurt my child. And there’s nothing I can do. I’ve checked with the police and without a direct threat against me, the harassment and stalking isn’t enough to get a protective order against him.

I hate that this is my life. I hate that I have to fear for my safety and my life because law enforcement has lax laws in my state in regards to harassment and stalking unless you’re dating someone or they’re family. It’s sent me into a tailspin of anxiety and depression. I don’t know what to do, other than to meditate to try and calm myself, and that’s all I can really do.

Male entitlement, even when not taken to the extreme, alters life and causes damage, and I’m sick of nothing being done to fix it.

Advertisements